Sick

December is flying by.... can't believe it's almost Christmas!!

We've had so much fun hosting out of town family -- my FIL, 2 weeks ago, then my SIL and BIL last weekend, along with Eliz's 3rd bday party (pics up on FB) etc etc.  It's been so busy.  And we are just not kicking this dang cold!  I think we are sharing germs.  Just as I am feeling somewhat better, Jee comes home sneezing his head off and is home sick today.  Then I'm sure the girls will get it... then me.  I am ready for spring already!!! 

In the meantime, I will leave you with this happy pic. 

I love her smile... and I don't get it captured too often on camera!!  Happy 3rd birthday sweet girl!  We love you more than words can say!

Couldn't pass this one up...

Jee did the "censoring".... LOL!!!!

(Eliz is in a stage where she pees and doesn't put her pants back on.  This happens so fast when I'm not looking that I don't even know she's done it...)

Merry Christmas!!!!

encouragement

When you wonder if you disappoint...

On Homeschooling

The beauty of homeschooling is that you can meet the student exactly where he or she is, academically.  You can tailor a program to hit her "sweet spot" of learning, to cultivate artistic and musical pursuits, to spend more or less time on any given subject... it has the potential to be learning at its best.  I think this is a journey - after 2 years of researching, praying, considering, and weighing heavily with Jee - that we will finally start in January with Emilie. 

It's becoming apparent that Emilie's current preschool is not a good fit for her.  She enjoys her classmates (except for the one bully in her class), art time, and playing outside -- but she is the youngest in her class, and sometimes struggles to do what is set before her.  Now to be fair this PreK curriculum is ridiculously advanced -- presenting 1st grade material such as a unit on economics, fractions, nutrition, and expecting complete sequential narration of a story upon first hearing (?!?!) -- and only half the kids are "getting it" according to the teacher, but for some of these things, Emilie doesn't get any of it. 

The negative consequence is now Emilie is becoming fearful of school.  I ask her if she likes it and she says "sometimes it's too hard".  This is preschool!  Preschool should NOT be hard.  I am not paying $300 a month for Emilie to develop a complex about learning.  Having her develop a fear of learning -- because of fearing failure -- this early in life is absolutely not ok! 

So anyhow, God willing, I'll be schooling her at home in January.  We'll see how it goes and take it one year at time!  Prayers are appreciated!

Rainy days at home

It's pouring rain and Eliz gets to paint when Emilie is at school.
Oh, she would be jealous!
Happy Tuesday!

Monday musings

"Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?  Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."

-Jesus

Does He really count the hairs on my head?  And when they fall out, He sees them?

Just amazing.

Don't be afraid... you are worth more than many sparrows...

So easy to be anxious, stressed with life's burdens and troubles.

Help me to cast my cares on You, Lord!

Happy Monday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I don't know how so much time slipped by since my last post!

But I'm thankful for today, for a relaxing thanksgiving, for time with the family, a beautiful day, and amazing turkey that I did not have to cook.  :)  (Those pics later)

(Jee didn't know when my phone was going to take a pic - heehee)

 At the playground!

They just love going down this slide!  

Happy hearts make this momma happy.
Thank you Lord for our life - I could not want for anything more!

 Happy Thanksgiving!

Camp Joy-El

We helped out with the young adult retreat this past weekend, at Camp Joy-El in Pennsylvania.  It was a gorgeous weekend!  Jee led worship both nights, and it was a blessing for all.   I was bummed that I missed out on the evening sessions putting the kids to bed, but I really didn't have a choice.  They were so DONE by 8pm, and Eliz still woke up screaming both nights with night terrors from being overtired.  So lovely. 

Anyways, the pastor's son took this great pic of us.  Everyone eyes are open and we are smiling - yeah!!  Minus Eliz, but at least she is not sticking out her tongue or rolling her eyes, which she usually does when we tell her to smile.  (LOL)

Funny incident.  We stopped off at a McDonald's on the way back home, right off Rte 81.  I walked up to the counter and asked for a spoon (for Eliz's cheerios, which I had brought), and she lady looked at me like I had 4 heads. 

Lady: "Um.. you mean a f-o-r-k?". 
Me: "Um, n-o, a SPOON.  For cheerios". 
Lady (still looking at me like I had 4 heads): "Ohh, okay."

Really.  Had she ever seen an Asian person before?!   It was quite obvious our Asian family was not a common sight for her.  And the staring continued while we ate!!  We were seated right next to the motorcycle couple -- all dressed in leather and looking straight out of the 70s, along with their motorcycle gal-pal, which to me, was a more interesting sight to behold.  LOL!

And life goes on...

And the days continue to sail on by... is it really October?!

We had a string of rainy days so we did a lot of art and playing dress up and drawing...

 Here they are looking at a new itouch game.

Love that they are "best friends" and play so well together!  

 Painting her wooden bear..

 While I finished up some chalkboards for the girls (names are in white acrylic)..

 And one for my little niece Ava!

 We also LOVE Ed Emberley's fingerpainting book!  

 So many cute and fun things to draw...

 A scene I love seeing: Jee working from home on the kitchen table.  Yeah!

 Emilie knows her teens pretty well... 

 And her handwriting is definitely improving!

 Oh Eliz!  Will you ever smile pretty?!?

Love them.  My two girlie girls!

Fix you

Kids are in their room (jumping around, but at least in their room),  the kitchen is clean, and banana bread is baking in the oven... I have a lot to be thankful for.  But my heart is still broken.

This is gonna take awhile to bounce back from.

Got to watch Coldplay perform live in Toronto on TV last night.  We enjoyed the "concert" from our couch.... I just love, love, love their older songs... Fix You, especially, because now I can so relate to the heartache and loss....

Tears stream, down your face

When you loose something you can't replace

Tears stream, down your face

And I... will try to fix you

Les Miserables

We found out Les Mis - my favorite musical of all time - is playing at the Kennedy Center in October!!

Tickets are so expensive, but we bought 2 anyways as an early birthday present for me.  The total came out to be $300 -- OMG -- which included a $50 processing fee and a $15 delivery fee.

Neither of us were comfortable with how much it costs but in light of recent events we decided to splurge like this anyways.

And then, today, in the mail, we got a little envelope.  With a check for $315!  It was from our bank.  Apparently we've been paying too much escrow.  WOW!  Thank you God!!!  This made our Friday.  Happy Friday everyone!

Finis

I am thankful the D&C went well today, without complications.  It was quick, painless, and I don't remember any of it.  The kids were well-cared for by grandma, and Jee got to "shop" while he waited for me.

Today was bittersweet.  I really didn't want this procedure.  I just wanted to miscarry naturally.  I wasn't afraid of going under, but I was afraid of confronting what this day meant: that my baby was really, truly dead, and not just a bad dream that I could wake up from.  So the pain and tears escalated last night as the hours approached midnight... everything in me screamed, NO, don't do this, he is still in there, and he is still alive...

But, come morning, I awoke without turmoil.  Only peace.  I got up and went and came back.  I found a pink bag at my doorstep with a Corner Bakery Cake, a neighbor had left, with a sweet note of condolances.  I happily greeted the kids and grandma... and I felt... closure.  It is finished.

I think God allowed me to go this route to help bring closure to these painful events.  The nausea is totally gone, and I don't feel pregnant anymore, which helps my brain "move on".  I still cried today,  knowing he's in heaven.  And I still pray, I hope you are happy there... and I hope you know how much I loved you, even for this short time while you were on earth. 

I miss you so much, baby, and I can't wait to see you someday. 
Love, Mommy.

A cute distraction

A cute distraction, for Jee...since he loves dogs.

Grief

I am not very good at this thing called grieving.  I mean, it's not my first time losing a baby.  But it hasn't gotten easier.  I'd rather stay busy, or as it were, take out my anger on the kids - and yell at them all weekend long.  Emilie told me today, "You're being a bad mom again!  You're yelling!".  Yup.  That one hurt.  A lot.  Instead of apologizing I just got even more upset {just great}.  I'm not handling this well, or gracefully, for sure. 

As we remembered 9/11 this past weekend, watching story after story of brave men who gave their lives to rescue trapped victims in the towers, I realized that suffering and loss are widespread and universal.  So many people have lost loved ones.  Mothers lost sons.  Wives lost husbands.  Sons lost fathers.  Senseless tragedy affects so many around us.  I would call a miscarriage a senseless tragedy.  Senseless because I don't understand why it happened.  It seems so meaningless right now.  I don't know if I will ever understand this loss, on this side of heaven.  Maybe I will understand when it's my turn to leave this earth and stand before my Maker.  I think a lot of things will make more sense then.

This is not at all how

We thought it was supposed to be

We had so many plans for you

We had so many dreams

And now you've gone away

And left us with the memories of your smile

And nothing we can say

And nothing we can do

Can take away the pain

The pain of losing you but ...

We can cry with hope

We can say goodbye with hope

'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end oh no

And we can grieve with hope

'Cause we believe with hope

(There's a place by God's grace

There's a place where we'll see your face again

We'll see your face again

-Steven Curtis Chapman

 

The lyrics to a beautiful song after Steven lost his child. 

 

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those crushed in spirit."  -Psalm34:18

 

These things have brought some comfort, in the past few days.

Please pray for our family.  

RIP

Rest in peace, baby.  Mommy will always love you.  I will see you in heaven one day, with your older brother. xoxo

struggling

Having a rough day... the nausea is overwhelming me... and the exhaustion is staggering.  I barely made it to school, dropped the kids off, and came home and slept for an hour.  I feel like I got hit by a bus.  The thunderstorms kept Elizabeth awake so she would not nap.  I'm just counting the minutes until Jee gets home.  Being preggers at 35 is not the same as it was at 31.  Can't wait to get out of the first trimester...

ihearttheboureidentityseries

i will never get tired of watching any of the bourne identity series.  just watched the end of the bourne ultimatum.  i.love.it.  i love the action, the espionage, the thrill of the chase, the cat-and-mouse game taken up through classified cia black ops programs gone south.  wahoo!

Encouragement

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace

as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope

By the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13

Overflow with hope?

I would not say that describes me...

Particularly the way I feel these days!

But supernaturally by the Holy Spirit this is possible.

With God all things are possible,

including changing me from the inside out!

And so, let it be!  Amen.

thankful

just wanted to end this tuesday with thankfulness:

for no injuries during a crazy/sorta scary earthquake
for emilie actually eating broccoli and macncheese (she avoided these two her whole life)
for jee putting the kids to bed all week, letting me sleep ALONE without kids kicking me in the bed, waking me up for milk, etc etc... it's been a godsend!
for time spent with a neighbor across the street who lost her job but now our 2 girls can play with their 2 girls for the first time in 2 yrs
for a beautiful, gorgeous morning
for songs of worship in our home at night
for my husband's obedience to whatever the lord tells him to do, he just DOES it, no questions asked
for my husband's PATIENCE!  with the kids, with me, with even our crazy pets...
did i mention patience??  i have come to really appreciate this when i have so little of it these days!
for His peace and protection that hems us in at night
thank you Lord!

underwater restaurant?!

i found this pic of an underwater restaurant on pinterest the other day.  

are you kidding me?  how cool is this?

i'm embarrassed to say i've never even heard of the maldive islands and had to google it.

but it sounds like an amazing place to visit!

Joy

Every morning is a struggle.  I am not a morning person!!  Neither am I a night owl, so I live the short end of the stick when it comes to sleep.  And these days are no exception.  I don't have help in the mornings like some lucky moms, so when I wake up I let the kids watch a cartoon or two.  {Trust me: this is much better for everyone}.  When I decide I'm pleasant enough to speak (usually after coffee) then I'll talk.  Until then don't bother me because you'll get an earful of unpleasantries that no one deserves at 8 in the morning.  lol.  But I digress.  Joy is the fruit of the Spirit, but it is also a choice.  I can choose to be joyful or choose to have a bad attitude.  It goes against everything in me to choose joy in the morning.  But I must.  Lord help me, choose joy, peace, love and life...for the sake of the kids, and even for myself.  Happy Monday y'all. 

thought of the day

"The creative soul blooms only with the light of constant, affirming love."

Help me to be just that - constant and affirming (as You are, Lord!) - for my family.

Home alone again..

Yeah, I think the face and the message say it all...

 Jee is in SF until Wednesday and it sure ain't the same place around here without him.  :(

 But we try and have fun... drawing buses on chalkboards..

 Torturing, I mean, playing, with the hermit crabs...

 Hugging...

 And modeling new organic PJs purchased during tax-free clothing week!

(Can you tell we're ready for autumn already?!)

And biking... honey, you'd be so proud of Eliz.. she finally RODE the trike all by herself!! 

(Her feet finally reach the pedals)...

You missed a milestone today!

Hurry home!

the lake

The weather was particularly nice a few days ago,

so we went to Black Hills Park and hit the playground..

 And we hit the lake just past the playground.

We never get tired of this peaceful place.

 There were a bunch of kids fishing with a group..

Must look into this when the kids are older!

It was a fun morning that day!

funny

this is for jee... lol

August

I cannot believe these summer days are finally coming to an end!! 

Here are some random pics of our days, in no particular order.

 Emilie practicing her letter writing in a blue "sandbox" (old cigar box)...

 Oh, Jee will be so mad at this one!  But we are found passed out quite a bit, these days..

 Tracing with her metal insets.  I found this tradiational montessori pre-writing activity for $3 each - yeah!

Metal insets help little fingers develop strength for pencil holding and writing...

 And lots of cuddling, every day, of course. 

It's so nice to catch them loving on each other, for once, and not fighting!  (lol)

More fun with matching animals to specific continents.

This montessori continent map can be printed here.
One of my long-term projects? 
Make 7 continent boxes, filled with goodies from each continent -
money, cultural and political items, important landmarks, etc etc. 
In the traditional corresponding continent colors, of course.  :)

Charlotte Mason: On habit formation in children

“We need not add that authority is just and faithful in all
matters of promise-keeping; it is also considerate, and that is
why a good mother is the best home-ruler; she is in touch with
the children, knows their unspoken schemes and half-formed
desires, and where she cannot yield, she diverts; she does not
crush with a sledge-hammer, an instrument of rule with which a
child is somehow never very sympathetic” (Vol. 3, p. 23).

What a challenge for me: to be a just mother, considerate and temperate with the kids.

It is too easy sometimes to be a sledge-hammer, coming down hard on the kids when I am tired and impatient and demand perfection when I myself am so far from perfection.  !

Have so much to learn, still, about mothering....

“For let this be borne in mind, whatever ugly quality disfigures
the child, he is but as a garden overgrown with weeds: the more
prolific the weeds, more fertile the soil; he has within him every
possibility of beauty of life and character. Get rid of the weeds
and foster the flowers” (Vol. 2, p. 87)

“As has been well said,
‘Sow an act, reap a habit;
sow a habit, reap a character;
sow a character, reap a destiny’ ” (Vol. 2, p. 124)

 

Love Charlotte Mason's philosophies about upbringing and education - almost as much as I love Maria Montessori's philosophies.   If I ever do get around to homeschooling the kids, I'll be integrating both Montessori and Charlotte Mason's ideals.  Along with whatever formal curriculum I pick.  CM gave nature study, time outdoors, music and art study equal weight with the traditional 3 Rs: Reading, Writing, and 'Rithmatic.  More on her later.

We miss you daddy!!

This is for you, Daddy.  The girls miss you sooo much!

4 more days and you will be home.

This pic was taken before their swimming class.

Emilie is doing so well - she floated alone for 4 seconds and got her entire head in the water - yeah!

Eliz on the other hand, is not doing so well. 

Let's just say today was probably going to be her last lesson - for another YEAR. LOL!

Montessori Moments

 It's no secret I love all things Montessori but I don't want to/don't really have the money to pay for it, LOL!

So why not do some Montessori at home?

Here Emilie is doing the bead stair game...

 Then working on one-to-one correspondence with the beads..

She's getting better at figuring out that 12 is 10 + 2, which is easily visualized with the 10 (golden) beads and 2 (green) beads put together.

This beautiful set of beads and box I found used on ebay for under $30. 

They usually run for $50+.

And here she is using a DIY moveable alphabet (see below) to spell out CVC words (consonant-vowel-consonant)-  which she did mostly all by herself!  Go girl!

 A true moveable montessori alphabet is a beautifully carved set of letters in wood with consonants painted blue and vowels pink (or the other way around).  But I'm not interested in spending $50 for it so here is my $10, Michael's version:

Little alphabet tiles and a bead box.  Scrabble tiles would work just as well.